At HBS, I’m a “Section Chair” for the first time. HBS students are divided into “Sections” when they first arrive, and each Section Chair is the first faculty member with whom they meet. We gathered with them six times over three days during an orientation program called “START” and hold periodic check-ins with them as a group and during individual office hours.

I sent my Section this note as they ended a three-day weekend.

Hello, beloved Section J!

Truth be told, I have been thinking much about you since last week’s Check-In. I wanted to communicate this to you: you already are enough.

We first met in August for START, and it likely feels like an eternity ago. And so, I don’t expect you to remember my last words to you in the last moments of our last session. You had closed your eyes, and we did a last meditation, and I said something like this:

Each day, when you walk into this classroom, I want you to feel liked, respected, and cherished. Not for the person you strive to be or the accomplishments you want to achieve, but for the person you already are. Because here, with your Section, you already are enough.

I write this because of the exercise we did at the end of last week’s Check-In. I had asked you to write down on a Post-it something you could do each day to extend grace to yourself and to place that on the back of your name card. It was meant to be a daily reminder to extend mercy to yourself.

As I mentioned, we often may feel that we have not earned something, that we don’t deserve rewards. Many high achievers often withhold something from themselves because they feel they have not been “good enough.” It’s a form of self-punishment as well, IMO. I personally know that line of thinking all too well.

I think a way to achieve more personal freedom is to break that pattern. Do so gradually, if you’re uncomfortable with the concept. Perhaps, the self reward only comes once a week rather than daily.

I’ve asked my students to consider this brain hack for the past few years. Many have found it helpful to give themselves permission to enjoy life. Moreover, the “reward” students give themselves are usually quite minor: a walk outside, luxuriously enjoying a coffee while reading something for fun, seeing a movie, taking a nap, etc.

But the benefits can be quite large if we sever the link between self image and accomplishments, and we instead reward ourselves for just being.

The mind is a curious thing.

I encourage you to look periodically at your Post-it and to update it. Write your reward in code, if needed, so that only you know its true meaning. But, if you’re willing, glance at the note every day to see yourself in a new light.

In all honesty, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you: strong, capable, earnest, and kind.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend wherever you’ve been. See you tomorrow in class.

Fondly,

Jo